Counseling Blog | The Dunham School | Private PreK-12 | Baton Rouge, LA

Counseling Blog

September 2025

Emotional Intelligence from a Biblical Perspective  

We all want our kids to be successful. But, what determines success? David Goleman’s work in Emotional Intelligence (EI) claims that only 20% of success comes from a person’s traditional intelligence (IQ) where 80% of their life success comes from their EI. 

From a biblical Christian perspective, Emotional Intelligence (EI)—encompassing self-awareness, self-regulation, empathy, motivation, and social skills—aligns closely with biblical principles and teachings about character, relationships, and stewardship of one’s life. While the term "emotional intelligence" is modern, its core concepts resonate with the virtues and behaviors emphasized in Scripture, which underscore the importance of emotional maturity and relational wisdom for living a godly life and achieving success in God’s eyes. Let’s explore the importance of EI through a biblical lens, connecting Goleman’s framework to Christian teachings.

1. Self Awareness: Knowing One's Heart

Recently, Dunham’s Upper School Psychology class was asked to describe what their “heart” is from a Biblical perspective. There were a range of answers, from what/who they love and care for to how they feel about themselves both critically and admiringly. Reading what their hearts are “for” was enlightening to know who they are and what they value as young adults. Where we can teach our kids the metaphysical aspects of the heart, it is important for them to know what/how/why their hearts are so important to God and for their future success. 

• Biblical Principle: Scripture emphasizes the importance of self-examination and understanding one’s inner state. Psalm 139:23-24 says, “Search me, O God, and know my heart! Try me and know my thoughts! And see if there be any grievous way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.” This reflects a call to self-awareness, recognizing one’s emotions, motives, and sins before God.
• Christian Importance: Self-awareness aligns with the biblical call to humility and repentance. Christians are urged to examine their hearts (2 Corinthians 13:5) to align their emotions and actions with God’s will. Recognizing emotional triggers or sinful tendencies (e.g., anger or pride) allows believers to seek God’s guidance and transformation, fostering spiritual growth and effective witness.

2. Self-Regulation: Mastering One's Emotions

A favorite lesson to teach students is teaching them the link between Cognition, Affect and Behavior–how our actions are influenced by our emotions and our emotions are impacted by our thoughts. Often, we want to get control of our behavior or have our kids change their behavior without examining where the source of those emotions and actions are coming from. In counseling we often talk with students about the importance of knowing why you are feeling and acting the way you do. 

• Biblical Principle: The Bible repeatedly calls for self-control, a fruit of the Spirit (Galatians 5:22-23). Proverbs 16:32 states, “Whoever is slow to anger is better than the mighty, and he who rules his spirit than he who takes a city.” James 1:19-20 further advises, “Be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger, for the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God.”
• Christian Importance: Self-regulation reflects the Christian virtue of temperance, enabling believers to resist temptation, avoid sinful reactions, and respond with grace. For example, Jesus modeled self-control in the face of provocation (1 Peter 2:23). Mastering emotions prevents relational harm and glorifies God by demonstrating His transformative power in one’s life.

3. Empathy: Loving Others as Christ Loves

• Biblical Principle: Empathy mirrors the biblical command to love one’s neighbor as oneself (Mark 12:31). Romans 12:15 instructs, “Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep,” while Philippians 2:3-4 calls believers to “in humility count others more significant than yourselves,” looking to others’ interests. Jesus’ life exemplified empathy, as He wept with mourners (John 11:35) and showed compassion to the marginalized (Matthew 9:36).
• Christian Importance: Empathy is central to Christian community and mission. It enables believers to bear one another’s burdens (Galatians 6:2), forgive as Christ forgave (Colossians 3:13), and share the Gospel with sensitivity. In a Christian context, empathy reflects God’s heart, fostering unity and demonstrating His love to a broken world.

4. Motivation: Pursuing God's Purpose

• Biblical Principle: Biblical motivation is rooted in glorifying God and pursuing His kingdom. Colossians 3:23-24 says, “Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men, knowing that from the Lord you will receive the inheritance as your reward.” 
• Christian Importance: A Christian’s motivation aligns with eternal purpose rather than worldly gain. EI’s emphasis on intrinsic motivation parallels the biblical call to persevere through trials (James 1:2-4) and work diligently for God’s glory. This mindset drives believers to serve faithfully, whether in ministry, work, or relationships, trusting God for the outcome.

5. Social Skills: Building Godly Relationships

As counselors, we emphasize with students the importance of healthy relationships as one of the primary sources of happiness in life. Where money, status, and materialism is what is pushed on our students on a daily basis- we focus on relationships with God, self, and others as the source of happiness. All of my students most valued relationships in their lives over things when asked what they value most in life. 

• Biblical Principle: Scripture emphasizes relational wisdom, such as speaking truth in love (Ephesians 4:15), resolving conflicts (Matthew 18:15-17), and building up others (1 Thessalonians 5:11). Proverbs 15:1 notes, “A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” Jesus’ command to make disciples (Matthew 28:19-20) requires effective communication and influence.
• Christian Importance: Social skills in EI reflect the biblical call to live in harmony and advance God’s kingdom through relationships. Christians with strong social skills can navigate conflicts with grace, mentor others, and share their faith effectively. These skills are vital for church leadership, evangelism, and fostering community, as seen in the early church (Acts 2:42-47).

Conclusion

Emotional Intelligence, when taught through a biblical Christian perspective, is a powerful framework for living out the virtues Scripture commands. We want our students to not only know it but to live it. It equips them to love God and others more effectively, steward their relationships wisely, and reflect Christ’s character in a fallen world. By cultivating self-awareness, self-regulation, empathy, motivation, and social skills, Christians can fulfill their calling to be salt and light (Matthew 5:13-16), achieving success not merely in worldly terms but in advancing God’s kingdom.