Counseling Blog | The Dunham School | Private PreK-12 | Baton Rouge, LA

Counseling Blog

August 2026

Who Am I?

Identity in christ as our foundation

For those of you who may not know, two members of our counseling department have twin sisters. Anyone who has the privilege of being a twin can tell you that almost every interaction with others involves them comparing you to your sibling. Who is the smartest? Who is the best at sports? While this phenomenon is not unique to twins, it certainly always felt like people wanted our identities to be wrapped up in worldly success by comparing ourselves to one another. While this constant comparison was happening outside of our home, within our home could not have been further away from this reality. Our parents consistently worked to ensure that we each had our own identities, fostering a uniqueness within us that gave us our own confidence.

Think of your own children and if they might find themselves wondering, “Who am I, really?”

What is an appropriate answer to this question? Our world today seems driven by social media metrics, academic achievements, athletic performance, and popular trends, and our children are constantly nudged to answer using worldly markers. They are told their worth is tied to their test scores, the brand of clothing they wear, their sports stats, or their social status. When identity is built on these shifting foundations, anxiety and insecurity inevitably follow, because worldly treasures and labels can disappear overnight.

As Christian parents, we are called to help our children ground their answer to "Who am I?" in something—and Someone—unshakeable.

It is easy for kids to adopt the labels the world gives them, both the positive and the negative. The high achiever, the star athlete, the quiet one, or the struggling student can all become identities that trap our children. Scripture reminds us that earthly accomplishments and material possessions are temporary. Jesus cautions us in Matthew 6:19-20 against storing up treasures on earth, encouraging us instead to invest in what is eternal. When we teach our kids that their value comes from what they accomplish, we inadvertently train them to chase earthly treasures.

To help our children answer "Who am I?" with truth, we must redirect their gaze from their own abilities and surroundings to the cross. Their true identity is not something they achieve; it is something they receive through grace.

When your child asks "Who am I?", God’s Word provides clear, permanent answers:

• I am a child of God. "See what great love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are!" (1 John 3:1).
• I am fearfully and wonderfully made. God designed their personality, talents, and unique wiring on purpose (Psalm 139:14).
• I am forgiven and redeemed. Their mistakes do not define them; the grace of Jesus does (Ephesians 1:7).
• I am a new creation. Their past actions or worldly labels do not dictate their future (2 Corinthians 5:17).

It is important as parents to ensure that we are guiding our children with the right words to steer them toward an identity in Christ, not in their accolades or accomplishments. Here are some tips to help:

• Praise Character Over Achievement: Celebrate diligence, kindness, and obedience more than the A on a report card or the trophy at a tournament.
• Separate Performance from Worth: When your child fails or makes a mistake, explicitly remind them that your love and God's love for them hasn't changed. Failure is an event, not an identity.
• Speak Scripture Over Them: When you notice them struggling with self-doubt or peer pressure, help them replace the lie they are believing with a specific passage of Scripture.

I feel beyond blessed to have grown up with a twin sister, and I love that our parents instilled in us an identity as unique individuals who are aware of our own talents and gifts. But the one identity I never needed to question was that as a child of God, our Heavenly Father who calls us to Himself to be in relationship with Him.

When our homes become places where a child's fundamental question—"Who am I?"—is answered by the truth of the Gospel, we equip them to walk through the world with confidence, resilience, and unshakeable peace.